2018 – The Balance-sheet… 24 December 2018

I think it is good every year a person to make a balance-sheet of what he has achieved and what not, what silly notions he has had in his head. Even if it is just for the archive. I love when after certain time, when I have a different mind, to remember what it was, what I was thinking and what I was going through. We easily forget, the important things included. At least it is like that with me. Since this balance-sheet is public, I will try to be as frank as possible.

This year I was more and more aware that some stage was ending. That as an actor and as a person I have to start something new. At first, I was scared of these thoughts. It happened so that I started to break relationships with people and institutions. I have always been guided by my sense of justice, and I am not alone to blame for the breaking of these relationships. It is rather the time’s fault, if I have to assign blame. Human relationships have long become the most complex thing in the world for me. Not work, not misery, not difficult life – but exactly the simple human relationships. I crashed with them. This was terrifying me for long because it is a big change. I was very afraid of the changes. I do not like when a settled thing changes and I have to adjust to the new, then again, and again. But in recent years, as in this one, it happens constantly. I told myself that instead of thinking over it and suffering, I should better get used to it. Accept it. And that’s it. I became a different person, the people around me notice it. I do not do much of the things I have done. Not because I am pretending, but because it is just like that. I felt I could no longer lie and be a hypocrite. In our profession, easy escape, avoiding the truth, and being fake create a very good comfort. Everyone does it, and I have done it, but I am getting tired of it too. Now I say everything directly, even though I know this brings me negatives. I do it because I do not have time for the other. The other requires time, preparation, maintenance. Truth is the easiest. It is all about saying it. The problem with communicating, the changes around me, the directness, the withdrawal from the circles, all this made me another person. I think about things. Isn’t this pushing out, these changes, all this happening because the time for the great change has just come? That something drives me to this change, breaking my relationship with people and institutions. That the time has just come to get out of my beaten track and find another one, maybe bigger and more significant. Maybe I am standing on the verge of something like that. When I came to such an insight, I got used to the changes, I am not angry with the negative things happening around me. Everything happens because it has to happen. Seems that a person is not so strong as to rule everything in his life, to control it. We are weaker and we rather delude ourselves that we are managing something.

This concludes the part about the reflections.

It happened so that on my birthday I had to make a serious decision about my dog Mark. Eventually he died on the date I was born. I received the most terrible gift. I do not want to go into this. I grieved for a long time and I still do. But few months later Paris came, and then – Gena. Now it is fun at home, even though neither of them can replace Mark.

I travelled a bit and photographed a lot. I found another thing I want to improve in. In the beginning, it was nothing special, but it quickly turned into a very serious pursuit. Online Photoshop and Lightroom lessons, following big photographers, buying albums, lenses. I constantly find something I do not know and cannot do. Constant digging until I learn it. So, month after month, the vast Universe of photography opened in front of me. Now I am on its doorstep. In front of me is Cosmos – enormous. In such situations I start to count. Will I have the time to learn a lot, to become good? In my computer I have a folder with 5 online classes of top photographers, each with 50 lessons. I have to find time because I will learn a lot from them. I carry two books about light in my bag. This is huge. But I want it. I will move in it because it is new and because I think photography shows the most what kind of person you are and what is your taste. It is really so. In one photo you can see if the person likes classical music, if he is sloppy, if he is a hater, if he is a pedant, if he falls for the beautiful or the ugly. Many things can be seen in a single photo… And isn’t photography a part of this change and that new and bigger track? I will wait and see. Either way, in 2018, photography came and settled comfortably in the life of Vladimir Karamazov.

Some good and important projects happened in my work. First we went to Toulouse, France with the “Delhi Dance” production. I like very much these small battles. To arrive as nobody and to leave as somebody. And all this change as a result of your work. It was exciting, interesting and worthy. A little later, the premiere of Ivan Panteleev’s “Neo-Summerfolks” happened. An important and meaningful production for the Bulgarian theatre. The cast once again proved to me that it is the decisive entity for whether something will be successful or not. We, all the actors, are friends that vibrate on the same frequency, or almost the same. When we are together, we become strong. Within 2 hours 30 minutes we present a not light theatrical matter. Really important one. Because people have to see different things so they can finally say what is their thing among the many different ones. Because they cannot really choose theirs among similar things.

In the summer I started shooting “Stolen Life” series. Five months of my life flew away like a flash. Before you know shorts were replaced with thick jacket. There came Hristo Karagyozov, whom I loved as my own, who will remain in my memory as something very positive and as a striving for his perfection. At least I performed a character I have wanted to be. Everyone has the dream idea of his best image. We strive for him, but rather in our thoughts. I could at least re-create him on the TV screen. Though as a fiction.

I took care of the website. I wrote, photographed and invented. I like the work for this website. It is important to me. A space of mine that gives me security. There I can be myself – as I want to be, and as I want people to know me. It takes a lot of time, but I am convinced that it will prove to be a key in that new track that I strive for. It will be the only link between the old life and the new one. It will show what I have gone through, what I have accomplished, so this transition to the other half to happen. I realised important projects there – “The Talented” and “Mission Maverick”. I thank to my heroes. Some are friends of mine, others are people I admire. While making the five materials for “Mission Maverick”, I have not been so excited since I was a student. To write the texts, to take photos of those people that matter to me in the way they will like them, people to read it. Many thanks to Transimport and Glenfiddich for supporting this initiative. To Tzvetan Beshevishki and Rangel Rangelov. People who always support the ideas I have.

This is the part about the work.

What is next? I know until after the summer of 2019. But I will keep it a secret. To leave some surprise. I will say this – series, series again, big feature film with the most interesting Bulgarian film director.

Then Different Direction.

 

Text – Vladimir Karamazov

Photographer – Vladimir Karamazov for Vladimir Karamazov Photography

 

25.12.2018                                                                                    Vladimir Karamazov ®